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Menu All All. Sign In. Shared with you. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box. Les Grossman : First, take a big step back I don't know what kind of pan-pacific bullshit power play you're trying to pull here, but Asia Jack is my territory. So whatever you're thinking, you'd better think again! Otherwise I'm gonna have to head down there and I will rain down an un-Godly fucking firestorm upon you!
You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations and get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you. I'm talking scorched earth, motherfucker! I will massacre you! Kirk Lazarus : I know who I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!
Kirk Lazarus : I don't read the script. The script reads me. Kirk Lazarus : [ to Tugg Speedman ] What do you mean, "you people? Kirk Lazarus : Everybody knows you never go full retard. Tugg Speedman : What do you mean? Kirk Lazarus : Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition.
That ain't retarded. He was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes? You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Went full retard, went home empty-handed. Tugg Speedman : This is insane. Are you really going to abandon this movie? We're supposed to be a unit! Kirk Lazarus : Suck my unit.
Tran - Flaming Dragon Compound : Where is your farm Kirk Lazarus : My farm? Here's my mothafuckin' farm! I'm a lead farmer! Alpa Chino : No, I always wanted to.