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Lord knows I hate to complain when it comes to Celebrity Apprentice. You see, I was feeling a little blue over the fact that we had a completely Ivanka-free evening of fights and firings during this latest double-shot extravaganza of episodes. But therein lies the genius of the show, because there is always a silver lining.

I first remember when Eric burst onto the scene. Talk about tortoise and the hair! But there was something else that intrigued me about Eric Trump, or ET, as I like to call him…you know, like the alien.

It is the way that any time the man is standing, he insists on touching the tips of his fingers against each other like some sort of maniacal evil overlord plotting his next nefarious act.

Seriously, who does he think he is, Montgomery Burns? See what I mean? There you have it: same exact pose! But I have to say: I absolutely love it. Embrace your inner corporate evil! Make no mistake, Ivanka and Don Jr.

Has there ever been a television show as ass-obsessed as Celebrity Apprentice? The first task was to create a photobomb campaign for Kings Hawaiian baked goods. My assets have grossed over a billion dollars in the box office. You know what I mean. Not by a long shot. Oh, I almost forgot the hashtag: BabiesLuvBuns. In what universe would the fine folks at Kings Hawaiian find this even remotely appropriate? However the last thing I want to do is imply that Geraldo Rivera is a not an ass man.