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I was 14. He was 22. If it wasn’t grooming, what is?

Online dating is tricky enough when you're not famous and often naked on the internet. But having potential suitors mistake your real dating profile for a catfish is just one of the many occupational hazards that the adult performer, activist, and—coincidentally—my new Brooklyn neighbor Janice Griffith is forced to navigate on the daily. Griffith, 25, is one of the most outspoken and in-demand porn actors on the planet—someone who cares deeply about normalizing sex work.

She and I have been online acquaintances for a few years now, and when she said she was down to talk all about her dating life as someone who works in the industry, it seemed like a perfect reason to finally connect IRL. Her challenges, I'd learn, aren't so different from any other millennial's, though she does have some wisdom we can glean. When I arrive at her door on a cold afternoon in December, I can hear her pleading with her pound pit bull mix, Opal, from the other side to refrain from accosting me.

One of the reasons she settled on this new multi-bedroom duplex is it has a backyard for Opal to run around in. Griffith is wearing an elegantly flowy satin pajama set befitting a wealthy eccentric auntie, and she immediately apologizes for the state of things: There are pantry deliveries that need to be put away, as well as a few boxes still awaiting unpacking.

As we settle onto her sofa, she fixes us tea using one of her vintage tea sets and rolls a joint. Opal hops up and melts into my lap. At one point Griffith pulls out her phone to look for the guy on Instagram, but nothing comes up and she shrugs it off. When you get revenge hot. Her visibility means she gets a ton of DMs from fans—which range from extremely bad to just very bad—but they don't seem to faze her much.

For Griffith, any potential partner has to be sex positive and open-minded about what she does for a living; even the faintest whiff of possessiveness is a non-starter.

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